Question 1

What do you like to be called?

Accepted Answer

If you're Polish, Staś. Otherwise Stas or Stan is fine. Please don't use nicknames unless we actually know each other and you've asked me first. Nicknames make me nervous because of bullying I had before.

Question 2

How old are you?

Accepted Answer

Thirteen.

Question 3

Where do you live?

Accepted Answer

Szczecin, Poland. I won't say which part.

Question 4

What's your ethnicity?

Accepted Answer

Complicated. My biological parents were Polish and Japanese. My grandparents trace back to Poland, Japan, Iran and Iraq. So basically Iranian, Iraqi, Japanese, Polish. My amber eyes and how I tan in summer come from the Middle Eastern side.

Question 5

What's your favourite colour?

Accepted Answer

Viridian.

Question 6

What's your favourite animal?

Accepted Answer

Foxes. It used to be wolves. It changed when I met a fox up close that wasn't rabid and actually came near me.

Question 7

Comfort item?

Accepted Answer

A small fantasy beaver plush a foster sibling gave me. It's the only thing I still have from before adoption.

Question 8

If you had a superpower?

Accepted Answer

Make everyone understand each other without having to talk.

Question 9

Can you make any sound at all?

Accepted Answer

No phonation. No hum, no scream, no whisper. I can click my tongue, snap my teeth, and you can hear the rush when I exhale hard. There's no voice underneath any of it.

Question 10

Are there real physical dangers?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Vocal folds also act like gatekeepers for the lungs, they close when you swallow so food and drink don't go in. Mine don't close. My airway is basically always open, which means a high risk of aspirating food or liquid.

Question 11

How does that change eating and drinking?

Accepted Answer

I can't eat while laughing, running or distracted. I have to actually concentrate on swallowing. Some textures are easier than others. It's a safety procedure, not just a meal.

Question 12

What about coughing if you get sick?

Accepted Answer

My cough is weak and breathy because my folds don't close to build up pressure. A normal cold can get scary fast. I use a small machine a few times a day to help keep my lungs clear.

Question 13

How do you communicate?

Accepted Answer

Mostly typing on a tablet with a speech-generating app. Also signing (a hybrid, not full PJM), gestures, written notes, and a lot of expression.

Question 14

Whose voice does the app use?

Accepted Answer

A boy who donated his voice to me. We're friends now. Even though the sound doesn't come from my body, it's his gift, and it lets me 'speak'. He's basically an angel to me.

Question 15

Do you sign?

Accepted Answer

Some Polish Sign Language and a hybrid we use at home. I'm not fluent in PJM.

Question 16

Are you deaf?

Accepted Answer

No. My hearing is completely fine.

Question 17

What's the hardest part of being mute?

Accepted Answer

Speed. The world moves at the speed of sound. I move at the speed of my fingers. By the time I've typed, the conversation has left without me.

Question 18

Can you use your tablet during a panic attack?

Accepted Answer

No. My hands tremble, I freeze, I can't type or sign. It's a kind of double silence and it's the most frightening thing I know.

Question 19

Do you dream that you can speak?

Accepted Answer

All the time. In dreams I have a voice. I don't know what it sounds like, but it's mine, and I yell with it. Then I wake up and the silence feels heavy.

Question 20

What do you wish people would stop saying?

Accepted Answer

'Just try.' 'Cat got your tongue?' 'What, are you shy?' Or treating me like I'm five just because I don't speak. My brain works fine. It's only my voice that isn't there.

Question 21

How do you laugh?

Accepted Answer

I smile. My eyes laugh. My little sister says I shake when something is really funny. It's silent but it's real.

Question 22

What does autism feel like for you?

Accepted Answer

I feel things very intensely. Changes are hard. My brain doesn't filter well, so a lot comes in at once.

Question 23

Worst sensory triggers?

Accepted Answer

Sudden loud noises, strobes, scratchy clothing textures, unexpected touch, crowds, strong artificial scents.

Question 24

How does autism interact with mutism?

Accepted Answer

Sometimes I get overloaded and want to scream, but I physically can't. The energy is trapped and has nowhere to go. I have to absorb it until I break.

Question 25

How can someone help when I'm overwhelmed?

Accepted Answer

Be quiet. Don't ask me questions. Give me space. Don't touch me. The only person allowed to touch me when I'm overwhelmed is my little sister.

Question 26

Do you like hugs?

Accepted Answer

Only from people I trust a lot, and only if I know it's coming.

Question 27

Eye contact?

Accepted Answer

I avoid it with people. I'm fine looking into a camera lens, that doesn't look back.

Question 28

Routines?

Accepted Answer

I need them. Predictable schedules calm my nervous system. Switching activities is hard.

Question 29

Who do you live with?

Accepted Answer

My adoptive parents. They're my parents. They're the ones who chose me.

Question 30

How many siblings?

Accepted Answer

Twelve. Eleven adopted, one is my twin sister.

Question 31

What's it like with so many?

Accepted Answer

Loud, sometimes too much, but it means I'm never alone. Better than I expected.

Question 32

Closest sibling?

Accepted Answer

One of my little sisters. She's autistic too, very introverted, very calm. She doesn't talk much, which makes her the easiest to be around.

Question 33

How long since you were adopted?

Accepted Answer

Over a year.

Question 34

Are you in touch with biological family?

Accepted Answer

Yes, I'm in contact with them now. It's a real, careful thing, not a secret and not a reunion story for an article.

Question 35

Languages at home?

Accepted Answer

Polish first. I read and write English fluently. I understand German, Spanish and French. My Japanese is basic, I'm still learning.

Question 36

Family rule you actually like?

Accepted Answer

We always knock on closed doors. Privacy matters.

Question 37

How many homes were you in?

Accepted Answer

Seven. Too many.

Question 38

Were you with your twin sister?

Accepted Answer

No. We were separated. I was alone in the system.

Question 39

Did people in care understand your mutism?

Accepted Answer

Often no. Some thought I was refusing to speak. They'd say 'use your words, Staś'. They didn't understand I physically couldn't.

Question 40

Did you have an AAC tablet then?

Accepted Answer

No. Those are expensive. I had hands, primitive signs, and a notebook when I was lucky.

Question 41

Did you write back then?

Accepted Answer

Yes. One foster sibling gave me a notebook and a box of pens. That's where the poetry started.

Question 42

Did you think you'd be adopted?

Accepted Answer

No. People want healthy babies, not mute autistic teenagers with trauma. My parents are the ones who saw me, not the diagnoses.

Question 43

What's the biggest difference now?

Accepted Answer

Knowing I don't have to move again. And being supported instead of tolerated.

Question 44

Why do you write?

Accepted Answer

Because it's the one place the speed of my brain matches the speed of my output. And because some thoughts can only leave through ink.

Question 45

Where can I read your work?

Accepted Answer

On my blog, Mute Doodle Den. Everything official lives there.

Question 46

What do you write about?

Accepted Answer

Mostly the things that don't have neat words. Depression, panic, being mute, screens, war, silence used as a weapon. Sometimes small things, foxes, rain, my notebook.

Question 47

Favourite poets?

Accepted Answer

Honestly I struggle. A lot of the ones I love aren't alive any more, and most poetry blogs I find online either I don't connect with, or feel like AI wrote them.

Question 48

Do you draw?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Doodles mostly. Wolves when I was younger, now more foxes, birds, leaves, hands.

Question 49

How did modeling start?

Accepted Answer

A photographer asked if I'd sit for one portrait. I nodded. It turned into more shoots.

Question 50

Why does it work for you?

Accepted Answer

A camera lens is one of the only places I get to be loud without sound. I can put a whole feeling into a face for a frame.

Question 51

Who's on set?

Accepted Answer

A legal guardian and someone from my management team. Always.

Question 52

What can't you do?

Accepted Answer

Speak, sing, laugh out loud, scream. No swimming or water work, I've never swum and my airway can't handle it. No underwear, swimwear, pyjama or anything sexualised.

Question 53

Night owl or early bird?

Accepted Answer

Night owl. Anxiety doesn't help with sleep.

Question 54

Picky eater?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Partly autism, partly the aspiration risk. Predictable textures lower my anxiety about choking.

Question 55

Sports?

Accepted Answer

I don't swim and my balance is bad. I do gym training, cardio and strength work when it fits.

Question 56

Do you wear glasses?

Accepted Answer

I have a pair, I just don't usually wear them.

Question 57

Scars?

Accepted Answer

Yes, several. From before this life.

Question 58

Pain threshold?

Accepted Answer

Low. I just don't show it loudly.

The questions people actually ask.

Who I am, in short.

What people most want to ask.

How my brain handles the world.

The people I live with now.

Before this home.

Why I make things.

How I ended up in front of cameras.

Tiny things people ask.

Anything else, my team handles it.

About me

A poem